Most Dignified
by M.G. Monticello
Summary: WARNING: This story contains misuse of food, attempted harm to innocent rocks, and overall silliness. Read at your own risk.


**This has been sitting around for months. Figured I should do something with it. xD **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>It was dinnertime at the training camp.<p>

Smells of rice and fish wafted through the air and headed in a Northeasterly direction, right past the noses of three soldiers. One was meditating ever so peacefully, oblivious to outside distractions; one was beating up a rock and apparently not winning; and the third was cleaning bird poo off his armor.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." grumbled Yao, "Never again will I listen to you knuckleheads."

"I was told that standing under a flock of birds in flight was good luck," said Ling.

"Who told ya that?" said Yao. "A leprechaun?"

"It was a kid I knew, but now that I think about it he was kind of a bully..." Ling trailed off.

The shorter man glared at Ling with his one eye and tossed away the rag he'd used to clean off his armor. It flew over the tent and landed in someone's cup. The passerby pulled it out, wondering how it got there, and took a sip of tea. He licked his lips. "Hm, not bad." Then he threw the rag back over the tent where it landed on Yao's head.

"Calm down, Yao." said Chein Po, "Come and meditate."

Yao stomped over and sat down next to him, still glaring daggers at Ling. Either the skinny one had really believed that standing under a large flock of birds brought good fortune, or he himself had just been the victim of a practical joke. His highly tuned senses figured it was the second.

Ling grinned but it turned to a grimace when he punched the rock and near broke his hand.

He got mad and kicked it, then flopped down on it with his arms crossed.

"Ohhhhmmmmm..." said Chein Po and a reluctant Yao.

"What I really need is a piece of paper," thought Ling, aloud. The other two's eyes snapped open.

"What's it for?" said Yao.

"And what does that have to do with, I dunno, anything?" added Chein Po.

"Well see, I was eavesdropping on the great Chi-Fu and- actually no, I wasn't. I was strolling past his tent innocently, like maybe whistling-" he said, and whistled some tune that may or may not have come from a Disney movie, "And I heard him talking to himself. He was discussing battle strategies or something important and he said, 'paper beats rock.'"

Ling smacked his forehead and fell over laughing. "Paper beats rock? Get it? GET IT?"

"No, but I'll get you," Yao said, and made a fist.

They were just about to start brawling when the sound of a gong reached their ears.

"DINNER, BOYS. COME AND GET IT."

Chein Po smiled. "Ah, sweet music."

"I wonder what we're having tonight," said Ling, "Well, not that we've ever had anything different since we got here,"

"Knuckle sandwiches," said Yao, "Free for all!"

But the others hadn't heard his offer, since they had hurried off to get in line.

A few minutes later they carried their steaming bowls to a airy tent nearby and sat down. It was already quite crowded and there was that boy Ping, glancing around uncomfortably. He watched for a second and began to eat in a rather messy manner.

Suddenly Yao let out a roar and jumped up. All attention turned to him.

His face got red. "Er, spider." he said, and got redder when everyone laughed. Yao muttered, "First bird droppings, now spiders in the food. You did it!" he said to Ling, accusingly.

"Me?" said Ling, shocked. "Where would I get a spider?"

"No use denying it," said Yao. He put on a menacing smile and scooped up some rice porridge with his chopsticks, as gracefully as that particular endeavor allows. He gave it a little flip with his forefinger.

SPLAT.

Ling let out a high-pitched shriek and made up his mind that moment, while it dripped down his face.

He matched Yao's evil grin and tossed his entire bowl at the shorter man, the contents flying everywhere.

That move triggered a chain reaction (well, naturally) starting with the guy behind Yao who unfortunately got splattered. That guy aimed his porridge at Ling but missed and hit someone else. Before you can say 'Tinkerbell' it had taken a turn for the worst and developed into a full-fledged food fight.

Chein Po was the only one who didn't participate. He snuck off wishing people would just make peace.

Yao stood on a table, ignoring the bowl that was now perched on his head, and aimed at some random person- bullseye.

Ling puffed out his chest and threw a haphazard punch, he hit the guy with the dragon tattoo.

Yes, the great army; the disciplined army, was now busy ducking under tables and getting messy in general.

And they were enjoying it.

"SILENCE." a voice rang out, soft but so commanding that it's owner got what he asked for immediately.

They watched as Shang strode across the shaded tent area, very unimpressed. He kicked some chopsticks out of the way and looked his army in the eyes.

"What would happen," he began, "If at this very moment, the Huns invaded? Would you be ready? Would they see children playing with their food, with bowls on their heads instead of helmets?"

Yao quickly took the bowl off his head amid a ripple of snickers. He gritted his teeth.

"Or would they see the strength and endurance of the Chinese people, ready to sacrifice all to defend their country and their emperor?" Shang said, and looked around once more. "Your choice."

He walked away, satisfied with the speech.

Shang passed Chi-Fu on the way out and cringed- another bad mark. They had work to do.

Chi-Fu sniffed, outwardly haughty, though actually trying to hide the tic-tac-toe games that littered his writing tablet.

The men in the tent now looked ashamed and each left in an awkward silence. Soon it was empty- almost.

Ling held out his hand that was bruised from hitting the rock and said to Yao, "Truce?"

Yao looked like he'd rather spit on the extended hand than shake it. Ling had his doubts but he stood there hopefully.

Yao suddenly smiled and shook it.

"Truce."

Chein Po appeared from nowhere. "Group hug!" he cheered.

From over behind a pole, Mushu and Cri-Kee watched the mob of soldiers-in-training depart.

Mushu crossed his red arms. "You know, that was some of the best entertainment I've had this year." he remarked, "With the exception of... hey! Let's do it again! Who's with me?"

Suddenly everything went silent, all background noises magically ceased but for the chirping of a lone cricket.

#=THE END=#


End file.
